Developing Emotional Intelligence in Childhood
- The Green Elephant
- Apr 8, 2025
- 6 min read
Updated: Dec 20, 2025
In a rush? Here's a quick rundown.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) includes five components: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills — all of which can be nurtured.
Children with strong EQ build healthier relationships, perform better academically, and cope with stress more effectively throughout life.
Everyday moments matter — open conversations, naming emotions, modelling calm responses, and teaching problem-solving all build emotional skills.
It's never too early to start — creating a supportive environment helps children develop the tools to navigate life with confidence and resilience.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is just as important as academic achievement when it comes to a child's long-term success. Unlike IQ, which measures cognitive ability, EQ is about understanding emotions. Studies have shown that children with strong emotional intelligence tend to build healthier relationships, perform better in school, and cope with stress more effectively.
So, how can parents nurture emotional intelligence in their children?
What Is Emotional Intelligence in Children?
Emotional intelligence is made up of five key components:
Self-awareness — The ability to recognise and understand one's emotions. A self-aware child can identify when they are feeling sad, frustrated, or excited and understand how those feelings affect their actions.
Self-regulation — Managing emotions in a healthy way. A child with strong self-regulation can calm themselves down after getting upset, resist impulsive behaviour, and express their emotions in constructive ways.
Motivation — Using emotions to drive persistence and goal-setting. Children with high motivation are more likely to push through challenges and stay engaged in learning.
Empathy — The ability to understand and share the feelings of others. An empathetic child notices when a friend is upset and offers comfort or support.
Social skills — Navigating friendships, resolving conflicts, and communicating effectively. Strong social skills help children build positive relationships and work well with others.
Why Is Emotional Intelligence Important for Kids?
A child's ability to understand and manage emotions influences nearly every aspect of their life. Kids with strong EQ communicate better, resolve conflicts more effectively, and experience greater emotional wellbeing.
Research has shown that individuals who develop greater emotional intelligence in childhood are also more likely to succeed academically, as they can handle frustration, focus on tasks, and collaborate with peers. Teaching these skills in childhood gives kids an advantage in both their personal and professional lives.
Signs of Strong vs. Weak Emotional Intelligence
A child with high emotional intelligence expresses emotions clearly and appropriately. They can calm down after getting upset, show empathy toward others, and handle conflicts with maturity. They also tend to form strong friendships and display patience in challenging situations.
On the other hand, a child with lower EQ may struggle to identify or articulate their emotions. They might react impulsively when frustrated, have difficulty understanding others' feelings, or frequently experience emotional outbursts.
Parents should observe their child's behaviour and identify areas where they may need support — such as learning to express emotions constructively or practising empathy in social situations.
How to Develop Emotional Intelligence in Your Child
The development of emotional intelligence starts with everyday interactions. Small moments — conversations, challenges, and play — shape their emotional growth.
Encourage Open Communication
Children need a safe and supportive environment to express their emotions. Encouraging open dialogue helps them feel heard and understood.
Parents can practise active listening by giving their full attention and responding thoughtfully. Asking open-ended questions like, "How did that make you feel?" encourages children to articulate their emotions rather than bottling them up.
Normalising discussions about emotions also helps. When parents talk about their own feelings in a healthy way, children learn that emotions are natural and manageable.
Model Emotional Awareness
Children learn by observing the adults around them. When parents express their own emotions calmly and constructively, children are more likely to do the same.
If a parent feels frustrated, for example, they can say, "I'm feeling overwhelmed right now, so I'm going to take a few deep breaths before we continue this conversation." This teaches children that emotions can be acknowledged and managed rather than suppressed or acted upon impulsively.
Help Your Child Name Their Emotions
Recognising and labelling emotions is an important step in developing self-awareness. Young children may struggle to express how they feel simply because they lack the vocabulary to do so.
Parents can introduce emotion charts, books about feelings, or storytelling techniques to help children identify and name their emotions.
For example, if a child is upset, instead of saying, "Calm down," a parent might say, "I can see you're feeling really frustrated right now. Let's talk about why." Giving children's emotions a name makes them feel less overwhelming and helps children understand what they are experiencing.
Teach Empathy Through Everyday Activities
Empathy is a skill that can be developed through practice. Role-playing different scenarios can help children understand how others feel.
Parents might ask, "How would you feel if your friend lost their favourite toy?" or "What do you think your teacher felt when you thanked them today?" Encouraging these conversations helps children develop perspective-taking skills.
Engaging in acts of kindness also strengthens empathy — volunteering, writing thank-you notes, or simply encouraging children to check in on a friend who seems sad all help build compassion and emotional awareness.
Promote Problem-Solving Skills
Teaching children to manage challenges on their own builds confidence and emotional intelligence. When children face a problem, parents can guide them through a simple problem-solving process:
Identify the issue
Think of possible solutions
Consider the consequences of each solution
Choose and try the best option
For example, if two siblings are arguing over a toy, instead of stepping in immediately, parents can encourage them to suggest ways to share or take turns. Over time, children become better at managing conflicts independently.
Common Challenges and How to Overcome Them
Some children naturally find emotional intelligence more challenging, but there are ways parents can help.
If a child bottles up their emotions — They may need reassurance that their feelings are valid. Creating a judgment-free space and using phrases like, "It's okay to feel sad. Do you want to talk about it?" can encourage them to open up.
If a child has frequent emotional outbursts — They may need help with self-regulation. Teaching deep breathing exercises, using a calm-down corner, or practising mindfulness can help them manage strong emotions.
If a child struggles with empathy — They might benefit from more exposure to different perspectives. Reading books with diverse characters, watching movies that explore emotions, or simply encouraging conversations about others' feelings can be helpful.
The Lifelong Impact of Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is a lifelong skill that shapes how children grow into adults. The good news is that EQ isn't fixed — it can be nurtured and strengthened through everyday interactions.
By creating a supportive environment, modelling emotional awareness, and encouraging open conversations, parents can give their children the tools to navigate life with confidence and resilience.
FAQ
What are the five components of emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence includes self-awareness (recognising your emotions), self-regulation (managing emotions healthily), motivation (using emotions to drive goals), empathy (understanding others' feelings), and social skills (navigating relationships effectively).
Why is emotional intelligence important for children?
Children with strong EQ build healthier relationships, perform better academically, and cope with stress more effectively. These skills give them an advantage in both personal and professional life as they grow.
How can I help my child name their emotions?
Use emotion charts, books about feelings, or storytelling techniques. When your child is upset, try saying "I can see you're feeling frustrated" instead of "Calm down." Giving emotions a name makes them feel less overwhelming.
What should I do if my child has frequent emotional outbursts?
Help them with self-regulation by teaching deep breathing exercises, creating a calm-down corner, or practising mindfulness together. These tools help children manage strong emotions over time.
Can emotional intelligence be developed, or is it fixed?
Emotional intelligence can absolutely be nurtured and strengthened through everyday interactions. Small moments — conversations, challenges, and play — all contribute to building these skills over time.
See How We Nurture Emotional Intelligence
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