Separation Anxiety at Childcare
- The Green Elephant
- Nov 11, 2024
- 6 min read
Updated: 7 hours ago
In a rush? Here's a quick rundown.
Separation anxiety is completely normal and can happen at any age — typically starting around 6-12 months when babies begin to understand object permanence.
It can be triggered by changes in routine, illness, overtiredness, new environments, or developing emotions in older children.
Always acknowledge your child's feelings with empathy, say a proper goodbye, and keep drop-offs short and positive.
Consistency is key — familiar routines, comfort items from home, and regular communication with educators help children feel safe and settle faster.
Whether your child is just starting at childcare or has an established routine, separation anxiety can arise at any time for a variety of reasons. As a parent or caregiver, witnessing separation anxiety in your child can be emotionally taxing. It's important to remember it's completely natural for your child to experience these emotions as part of their development.
By establishing positive routines and providing continuity with your child's educators, we can help establish a sense of familiarity and reinforce feelings of safety, warmth, and comfort for your child. Together we can pave the way to happier, calmer times — and it won't be too long before these moments of upset are replaced by excitement and enthusiasm.
When Does Separation Anxiety Start?
Separation anxiety in babies tends to happen around 6-12 months, but children can experience it earlier or later — right into toddler and preschool ages.
Factors that can trigger separation anxiety include:
Family relationships and changes
Whether a child has had other carers before
Illness
Changes in routine or environment
Overtiredness
If your baby has never been in a childcare setting before, there may be periods of separation anxiety while they become familiar with different faces and their new environment. With all the new sounds, smells, nap schedules, levels of noise, and sensory stimulation, your baby may need extra comfort and support while they transition to their new daycare family.
For older children, there could be a range of factors at play. With developing emotions, even the most settled of toddlers can have moments or periods where they become upset during drop-offs.
What Does Separation Anxiety Look Like?
Typically, separation anxiety presents as clinginess and crying, often accompanied by a refusal to attend childcare or leave the company of a caregiver. It looks different at each stage of development.
In Babies
Separation anxiety for babies may be expressed through crying, clinginess, and distress when a parent or caregiver leaves. This usually starts around 6-9 months when they begin to understand object permanence. It's a normal developmental phase.
In Toddlers
Separation anxiety for toddlers might present as refusing to be away from parents or caregivers. This can show up as tantrums or being unusually clingy. It's often triggered by changes like unfamiliar circumstances or illness.
In Older Children
Older children with separation anxiety may express fear or worry when away from their parents, avoid activities that require separation, or experience physical symptoms like headaches or stomach upset. Stressful events, big changes, or situations like a disagreement with a friend can also trigger separation anxiety.
How to Manage Separation Anxiety
When separation anxiety strikes, it can make even the most steely-nerved parent feel overwhelmed. Separation anxiety should always be acknowledged — make sure there's a plan in place to help lessen the distress.
Take Advantage of Orientation
Attend orientation days before your child begins their regular schedule. Bring them to the centre on a few occasions before their first official day. This develops familiarity and helps your child feel more settled in their new environment.
Be Empathetic
Separation anxiety can strike at the worst possible times — you might be running late for work or an important appointment. Even if it has become repetitive, dismissing or ignoring separation anxiety is rarely the answer.
Your child will get through these periods; it just might take some time. Show empathy and give strong, clear reassurance in these moments.
Commit to Saying Goodbye
Although it may be tempting to use distraction or slip away unnoticed, saying a proper goodbye is important to help your child understand what's happening.
At this age, some children are learning about object permanence and will eventually understand that they will be collected at the end of the day. Saying goodbye properly and reiterating that you or another caregiver will pick them up helps establish routine and a sense of ease.
Strategies by Age
Different approaches work better at different ages. Here's how to tailor your strategy.
Reducing Anxiety in Babies
Creating a drop-off routine is key. Expect that for the first weeks of childcare, separation anxiety might be experienced every day. Commonly, the first few days may be relatively smooth until your baby realises drop-off is followed by you leaving.
Tips for babies:
Establish a consistent drop-off routine
Leave your baby with a familiar face for a cuddle while they settle
Bring familiar items from home like a sleeping bag or favourite comforter
There may be tears and clinginess at first, but gradually your baby will relax into their new environment.
Reducing Anxiety in Toddlers
For toddlers, create excitement around childcare. Find out who their favourite buddies are and use the activities and people they like to enthuse them about their day ahead.
Tips for toddlers:
Talk positively about their friends and favourite activities
Reassure them you'll be back at a particular time — use "after afternoon tea" or "just after nap time" rather than clock times
Keep the goodbye short and confident
Reducing Anxiety in Young Children
Older children usually recover fairly quickly and happily get into their day with friends, activities, and food.
Tips for young children:
Use short, clear explanations at drop-off
Reassure them you or another caregiver will pick them up at the usual time
Offer something to look forward to that evening, such as a favourite meal
Drop-Off Strategies That Work
Keep it short and positive — Long, drawn-out goodbyes often cause more distress for your child.
Allow time to settle — Put aside a few minutes to sit your child down with a book or join them in a group activity at the beginning of the day.
Create positive dialogue — Before you arrive, be enthusiastic about their day ahead and try making it something to look forward to.
Stay relaxed — It's easy to become anxious about drop-off yourself, particularly if separation anxiety has become a daily event. Keeping yourself calm will help your child with their transition.
Talk to Your Educators
Sometimes staying relaxed is easier said than done. If you'd like support, our educators are always on hand to offer advice and help you manage these unsettling times.
Regular communication with educators can help ensure your child thrives at childcare and enjoys all the fun the centre has to offer. Our team is trained to support you through separation anxiety, offering cuddles, comfort, and activities that help divert your child's attention from your leaving onto the enjoyment of their day.
FAQ
At what age does separation anxiety start?
Separation anxiety typically begins around 6-12 months when babies start to understand object permanence — that things (and people) still exist even when they can't see them. However, it can occur earlier or later, and even settled toddlers can experience periods of separation anxiety.
Is it better to sneak away or say goodbye?
Always say goodbye. While it might seem easier to slip away unnoticed, a proper goodbye helps your child understand what's happening and builds trust. Saying you'll be back — and then returning — reinforces that they can rely on you.
How long does separation anxiety usually last?
It varies by child. Some adjust within a few days, while others may take a few weeks. Consistency with routines, familiar comfort items, and positive drop-off experiences help children settle faster. Most children recover quickly once they're engaged in activities.
What can I bring from home to help my child settle?
Familiar items like a sleeping bag, favourite comforter, soft toy, or even a piece of clothing that smells like home can provide comfort. Check with your centre about what items are appropriate to bring.
What should I do if separation anxiety continues for weeks?
Talk to your child's educators — they can provide insights into how your child settles after you leave and suggest strategies. Ongoing separation anxiety may also be triggered by other changes at home, illness, or over tiredness, so consider what else might be affecting your child.
See How We Support Smooth Transitions
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